I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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