I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
