So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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