he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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