Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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