Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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