Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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