your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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