that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
