Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm having to shit out rocks
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
