please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize