you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He shit in the fireplace
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
