You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
