Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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