i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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