you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
