Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Less talking, more tequila
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
