I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize
