he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
