My sheets look like a crime scene.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
