So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
