can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
