he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
