dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
