Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
