I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
