her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im holly from the hills drunk
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
