Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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