I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
