And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
