quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
