I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
