..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why are your pants in the freezer?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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