I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
