Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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