I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
