I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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