Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
