There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
