Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
