My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
