If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
