I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
