My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
