Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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