life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize