i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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