And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
