I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You don't make any sense
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