Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What a dumb baby whore.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
