so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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