I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Who died my cat blue again?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
