Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
