I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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