I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
