It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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