Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
