I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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