So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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