How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
