Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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