This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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