mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
