never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize