I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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