im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
