I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
