How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
