the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So much rum. So many feels.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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