There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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