dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
