dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
