I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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