I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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