Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
