theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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