Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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