it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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