Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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